As Abram's image keeps on going viral I try hard not to look at the comments section. Luckily, 98% of the comments on all of the posts I have seen have been positive but it's always that 2% of people who have something hateful to say that gets under my skin the most. Today, the "using my kid" thing got under my skin. I was actually just interviewed on a local radio station (Lazer 103.3) due to these very instances explaining that sometimes there is a story behind the internet memes that are spread around the internet like wildfire. Everyone is so quick to judge but don't want to take the time to check their facts or read about anything that doesn't really affect them. Spreading hate is so much easier than learning a thing or two. Our family was going through (and still is going through) something VERY REAL and very scary when his images first went viral. Count yourself lucky if the best thing you have to do all day is bash another mom for her parenting. I spend my days going to a host of therapies, driving hundreds of miles to see specialists and hoping that someday we will have a name for the thing that has impacted our child's EVERYTHING. Taking a harmless and silly set of photos was a spur of the moment thing that we did to *gasp* entertain ourselves and like most kids, our son loves having his picture taken and posing for the camera. I also happen to be a Graphic Designer so we took our favorite pictures, made a montage of it and shared it with our friends - who actually care. I had no clue that some jerk would take it, claim it as their own and spread it around the internet so I could have slews of people attacking me and claiming everything from abuse (physical and emotional) to people saying they hope my son grows up to kill me to insulting my home (which you can see very little of in the photo). People assume that I meant to have my son's image go viral which is furthest from the truth. If you know me, you know that I owned a business before I closed my doors and I did a lot of charity for babies and animals. I closed my doors to my shop to become a mom and I took great pleasure in sharing my son's better moments on our Facebook Page. I had no idea that within 24 hours that someone would steal that image and that a year later his image would still be going viral and that there would still be those judgmental folks out there who have nothing better to do than be hateful and spread negativity. If I could go back and undo posting that image I would still do the same thing. Not because I love reading how people think my son should grow up to kill me or to know that Bob V from Washington doesn't approve. I would post those images again because I have met so many other mothers going through the same thing! I have helped other moms. Other moms have reached out because of this one photo and my persistence in trying to tell people that there IS a story behind every picture. I can't do anything about my son's image being stolen but I can try to turn something negative into a positive by educating people about children with special needs, childhood brain tumors, rare chromosome disorders and a host of other subjects. It is an unfortunate fact that the people that feel inclined to be hateful most likely won't even take the time to click on a link to read about such things because pecking away at the keyboard being judgmental and hateful is so much easier than being a good person who is open to discussion, willing to learn and being open-minded. Luckily, I have a host of therapists and specialists who tell me that I am doing a great job and believe me, they see a lot of people that don't. My son's improvement is a testament to that, considering one year ago he couldn't even sit up on his own or hold his own bottle and right now he can walk with the help of a posture trainer and SMOs! Abram is a fighter and has worked hard and cried through nearly all of his physical therapy but he is turning into such a bright little boy with a personality to match. I have heard good reports from his Neurologist, Physical Therapists and Occupational therapists just this week. So I will end it with this: Be kind. Learn something. Read More. If you have healthy children, be grateful not hateful. I had written a blog entry about Abram's Diagnosis that we received on New Year's Eve. I had made it my mission to find out what 'it' was that was affecting my son's development by the end of 2013. We'd been fighting for an answer since the day he was born in the summer of 2012 and I was not expecting the flood of emotions that I would feel after getting a diagnosis that involves a rare chromosomal disorder due to a micro deletion of Chromosome Seven; labeled as 7q31.31.
This diagnosis explains many of Abram's other diagnosed issues such as global developmental delay, his hypotonia as well as quite a bit of his behavior issues but unfortunately the Macrocephaly and the Cystic Lesion in his brain are unrelated. Alas, we are doing all that we can do to monitor that situation but I must admit that as I was reorganizing Abe's medical records yesterday, my gut dropped to see pineocytoma there in black in white under what we discussed with his Neurosurgeon in November. I think I've been in a bit of a shock. I read and re-read the pamphlet from Unique about the commonalities of diagnoses, symptoms, etc and it was relieving to read quotes from parents who have children with a similar diagnosis. A lot of what seemed unanswerable to most of our doctors was explained, finally. I was prepared to get not so good news and even though these issues of Abe's are life-long problems, it was a big burden off my heart to know officially that this was indeed just how my son was made and not caused by his traumatizing birth. There was nothing I could have done to prevent his disorder and that alone was worth the struggles and fight we had to get here! It hurts deep to know that the things that make your son hurt and struggle cannot be 'fixed' or 'grown out of'. It is world crushing news. It is hard and it hurts and I have days where I felt like I was ready to be okay with it and other days where I wanted to feel sorry for myself, my family and my son. Last Monday, I talked about my feelings with my favorite AEA gal and she made me realize that its okay to grieve, that it IS painful and that in order to move on, I needed to grieve that loss. It was then that I realized I hadn't let myself cry and that my husband and I hadn't even really talked about it. It hurt too bad. Friday we finally talked about everything. l had a good cry and I woke up in a different place and am trying hard to stay there. Abram is a lot more than a long list of symptoms and diagnoses. He is a wonderful, brilliant little boy whose smile lights up the room. He is clever, funny and spontaneous and has already taught me a great deal about the importance of living in the now and the value of patience and persistence. He has come a long way in the last six months and I can't wait to see how far he goes with his therapies in 2014. I am thankful for my little boy and all the amazing people he has brought into it. Motherhood has been a crazy ride so far and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. <<< That is Abram during his EEG when his Gramps called him to check in on him! He got so excited! I haven't put an update on here in a little while. Life has been insanely busy and hectic. The Short Version is: we are still waiting on the results of Abe's most recent EEG as well as the results of the first MicroArray test we did at the beginning of November. (If you want to hear all the Blah Blah Blah...) The Long Version Is: We are hoping that with the results of both tests we will be on the right track as to what we can do to help Abram the best we can. We are hoping that the results from the MicroArray Test will give us some answers and guide us in answering why Abram has Hypotonia along with Sensory Processing Disorder, Macrocephaly and a host of numerous physical markers that our Developmental Specialist pointed out. From what I have learned though, Genetic testing is a long long road to find an answer and we may never be able to FIND an answer... which makes it a daunting task. I've had a lot of folks ask why we chose to go ahead with genetic testing since there is nothing we can do to "fix" it even with a diagnosis. So, I just want to sort of explain that even if there is no "cure" or way to "fix what is wrong" the point of the testing is to rule out certain other genetic defects and syndromes and to know what to look out for in the future. Knowing what "it" is will help us to know whether our son faces other serious ailments we would need to know to watch out for (like heart defects) or to know if his life span will change. I honestly had to STOP reading through all of the Genetic Defect information because almost all of them are scary, have heart issues and shorter life spans. To the mamas reading this who are going through this same thing - I'm just starting on this journey but your help, kind words and advice have been so helpful and have meant more than you will ever know. Not many people know what we are going through and it seems like every single mama I have met who just KNEW something was "off" about their babies were deemed crazy by friends, family and even their doctors. It has been a non-stop confrontation to even get the help we needed from certain hospitals but having this little boy to fight for has changed me entirely as a human being. I am now aggressive about our needs and expectations when it comes to our son's medical care! To the mamas reading this who may think there isn't something right with your child trust your gut. Go with your instincts. You know your child the best. My son had a rough start but even after he was deemed healthy enough to go home from the NICU, I knew the first night home that something wasn't right and I haven't stopped fighting since. If your Pediatrician isn't doing their job, get another one and ANOTHER ONE until you have someone that sits down and listens to you and looks at your face when you are telling them what is going on. Film anything you can that shows any behaviors or things that you may think are a little strange. Document everything. If they still don't want to help you - file a complaint. These are all things that I have had to do and have done in the last five months. I had to become a pest in order to get the care my son deserved to get in the first place! Anyhow.... In addition to waiting for the blood work to come back from the Geneticist we are also waiting to hear back from our Neurologist regarding the results of his most recent EEG. Two weeks ago we were admitted to the Children's Hospital for what I thought would be a 24 hour ordeal and we were unable to leave for three days. It was a loooong three days too. Poor Abe didn't know what to do all connected to a little machine and he did not sleep much so by the second night he was a wreck and officially traumatized by all people in scrubs or white! He still won't let me touch his head and there is one patch of glue left but sometimes you just have to pick your battles. Our Neuro saw him the second night and was concerned because of how he looked and kept repeating he wasn't himself. In the three days he was there he had five of his episodes and when they occurred, we were to hit a button on his equipment so it would mark the video and the EEG on where to look extra closely so we can try to rule out seizures. Our Neuro did mention that the one we marked the first night did NOT have peaks on the EEG so I am hoping that Dr. Shahinian (the Skull Base Surgeon) is correct in thinking that the vision disturbances he has are due to the cyst in his brain and not seizures at all. I obviously don't want my son to be having either but it would be a relief to know for certain that his episodes are not seizures just so we can check that off of his list of symptoms. So that's where we are! STILL MORE WAITING! Hello, Everyone. Today we went and got yet another opinion from our local NeuroSurgeon. He was a very nice man and I cannot complain about him or his bedside manner. He was very kind and concerned but unfortunately he did not have anything new for us to learn. However, at least there is finally some consistency amongst the doctors that I do trust and he denied that there was "fluid all over his brain" like the other Neurosurgeon noted. Luckily, I decided that in order to prevent myself from going absolutely insane I CANNOT concentrate on all of their differences in opinion. I can only focus on the similarities in opinion or continuing care and what will be the best option for our son. Right now the only thing we can do about Abram's cyst is to know the symptoms and signs of any worsening Neurological issues, to call 911 if said neurological issues happen and then to follow-up with another MRI in six months to check for growth. That is it. That is literally our only option. It is a hard pill to swallow but it is what it is and I can't let the weight of that bring me down. Sadly, this fight to get an answer about the lesion in his brain has veered our family off onto another path with what is now assumed to be a "genetic and chromosomal abnormality" in our son in addition to the cystic lesion of the pineal gland in his brain. The brain lesion and all of his "global" developmental delays are completely separate issues needing to be dealt with. It was difficult realizing that something else is causing the rest of his issues when I hoped I would be able to blame his condition on the brain lesion. To hear that your child has a "genetic or chromosomal abnormality" just brings fear to your heart, a million more questions about other defects and most importantly what my child's expected life span is. This realization is especially paintful because there is no "cure" for genetic abnormalities. The only thing the Doctors can do for our son is to offer him symptomatic treatment (which we have already been doing since he was 10 months old), preventative measures for heart defects, etc and to assist his father and I in finding a good support group where we'd be able to meet families going through a similar struggle. I often hear, "I don't know how you do it" as I am sure most parents do. Although for me, it means a little more than a kinder way of saying "your kid wore me out". In fact everyone who has been able to spend a significant time with my son on a bad day has told me that they don't understand how I am functioning and for me it just is a relief to hear that they get it. Obviously no one wants to be the parent with the child that screams non-stop and be the receiving end of all those judgemental people and parents out there but having the confirmation that something isn't right after having to fight so hard the last 16 months is a relief. I have no choice other than to hold back the tears and fight as fiercely as I can to ensure that my son gets the medical attention that he needs and believe me, I have fought. I do it because I am Abram's Mama and I made a committed and purposeful choice in bringing this little boy into the world. It is my job to make him feel better and NOT being able to do that has been the hardest thing I have ever been through and will continue to go through. I just want our son to be able to say that he is proud of us for doing our best and loving him as much as we could. I just want him to live and love life and be happy so hopefully we are finally on the route to more answers so we can help him accomplish all that he wants to and more. Two weeks ago we had our big Developmental Assessment at the CDD in Iowa City. My husband couldn't go with us, so my mom drove up the night before and went along with me since the appointment was right at 8:15 in the morning and from our house it's an almost two hour drive to get to the University Hospital! I didn't realize that there would be "campus traffic" at that time in the morning and got a little lost but hey... we found the place and they had free parking and we got there right in time, so I can't complain too much. We were admitted immediately and we were put in a huge room with lots of toys and space for Abram to crawl around in. We immediately met the Hospital's Social Worker (who tells you about the help you may qualify for and gives you information on how to go about getting it). Then we spent the next five hours talking to Occupational Therapists, Speech Therapists, Physical Therapists, Dieticians, Nurses, Audiologists and then finally the Developmental Specialist who performs a thorough exam and tells you what the professional opinion is and what to expect next. The Developmental Specialist told us that she believes our son has a Genetic Chromosomal Abnormality. She pointed out a variety of physical things our son has going on including his far set eyes, the shape of his eyes, his wide nose bridge, small chin (with tongue-tie), hypotonia, the creases in his hands (he has a single transverse palmer crease), his Macrocephaly (his soft spot is large/not closed on his forehead) and showed me that his feet are not in line with his ankles. Obviously it was not the best news to get because there is no cure for a genetic abnormality. The only thing you can do in these scenarios is to prevent and/or treat the symptoms that the syndrome causes. It was definitely hard news to hear but I was slightly relieved to hear the Doctor say that she knew something was wrong and there is likely a name for it. The only step we could take at that point was to start our journey into Genetics. Before we left that day, they took Abram's blood and are sending it off to do a Chromosomal Microarray which will test his chromosomes for certain markers and will which in turn will hopefully be able to tell us which Chromosome may have the genetic abnormality. I believe we will be waiting quite a while to get the results back from that but IF it comes back with something we will get into a Geneticist ASAP and won't have to wait until our appointment in February which is the only good thing in this scenario. I am certainly not happy that my son may have a genetic abnormality but I am going to relieved to be able to refer to it by name, help improve the things I can and work my hardest to prevent any issues that this syndrome may cause. The doctor warned me about possible heart defects and after reading up on many of the symptoms my son has vs the possible syndromes it could be, I have learned that many of these syndromes also come with shorter life spans.... but I cannot even bear to think about that right now at all. Even if that is true there is nothing I can do but what I am doing... and that just means being the best Mama I can be. With that, I have had a lot of people ask if this Chromosomal Abnormality has anything to do with his Cystic Lesion of the Pineal Gland and the answer is a resounding, NO. Unfortunately for us, these two issues are separate problems for our family to deal with. Ironically, our Neurologist called us back in (earlier than our expected appointment) due to the fact another toddler in the city (who has the same thing as Abe) became symptomatic (when the medical field keep telling us that these cysts rarely cause syndromes and that they are typically "slow growers".) Unfortunately, if they do become symptomatic the only solution is to have your child go through the most invasive brain surgery there is due to the fact that the Pineal Gland is located precisely in the middle on the underside of the brain! Ugh! Anyhow, I updated our Neurologist on all the information we received at the CDD and he agreed that Abram may have a syndrome and/or disease that needs to be dealt with in addition to the issues he has from the lesion on his pineal gland (sleep disturbances, possible seizures). He also informed us he that he has decided to refer us on to a local Pediatric NeuroSurgeon to get a second opinion, "just to make sure" to which I am relieved. After our experience with the last NeuroSurgeon I am looking forward to meeting a local NeuroSurgeon that came at the request of a Neurologist who sees that my son has some major issues and is trying his best to help our family! Luckily, we got in right away (this coming Thursday) and I am anxious and nervous to hear what this man will say. He will be the third NeuroSurgeon to look at his scans so I am hoping that the third time's the charm in getting a consistent answer. Please!? So, that's where we are! Genetic Testing and a Neurosurgery appointment, which is exactly where I wanted to be so that is good. With more appointments come more questions but I do finally feel like we are going in the right direction to getting our son the help he needs the most! Yay! Today I bawled in front our Physical Therapist after she said "I have been working with Abram since June and I have rarely heard happy sounds come out of his mouth!". Please let me clarify that I wasn't crying about what she said but the fact that she gets it! It was important for me to hear that someone else can see that something isn't right. It's not that I needed to have my thoughts justified but it felt good to hear that come out of someone's mouth, especially when that someone spends more time with our son than the majority of our family! It was important for someone to be honest with me about how they see things. In fact, if it weren't for a dear friend of mine telling me that what my son was doing was *not* normal at 9 months, I am convinced that I would have lost my damn mind. (Thank you, Lacy. I will always be grateful for that conversation. That meant more than you will ever know!) I feel that honesty is an important part of this life and that sugar coating things doesn't help much other than make the sting of disappointment burn that much stronger. So, while I was trying to happily tell our son's Physical Therapist about how wonderful our wedding was and how excited I was to go see a Neurosurgeon and new Neurologist on Wednesday; I ended up in tears. As we were discussing what needs to be brought to the new Doctor's attention and asking her opinion on what items of importance should be noted - she also informed me that she believes that he is in some sort of pain/discomfort all of the time from his brain lesion. You wouldn't think that someone would be happy to hear that but I was. Not happy to hear that my son is hurting...... but happy that someone acknowledges and confirms it. The fact that this wonderful woman who came into our life (who has nothing but the best intentions for our son) and whom has been working with Special Needs children for decades tells me that something isn't right, was exactly what I needed to hear. What's even better is the fact that she is going to write up a little something for us to take to the Neurologist as she has been working with and observing his behavior for months and knows him better than most. Please know that there is a big difference between being honest and being hurtful. Having someone tell you that your child is hurting and that his behaviors are not normal is honest and a much needed discussion. Having people say that your child's teeth grinding, whining, crying, etc is annoying is hurtful just as is having people comment on how or what your son eats and drinks from. I realize that most of the comments are coming from a place of love and are not meant to intentionally hurt. I am not writing this to point fingers or make anyone feel bad. I just want people to understand how things are. Informing us that our son is fussy, clingy and a mama's boy is not helpful and it really hurts our feelings. I love that my son loves us so much and wants to be around us because some day he won't want to be. At night when he has woken me up for the fifth time and I have gone weeks without more than a few hours straight of sleep.... I remind myself to keep calm and I stare at his little face and realize that just in a matter of years he will no longer want to be held or rocked and that right now he needs me and that is okay. That doesn't mean that I don't have days where I need to walk away and scream into a pillow because it is too much because I do have those days but it does mean that when the people we love look at him negatively because of his Special Needs it hurts. Yes, he is fussy. He has always been fussy. He might always be fussy. However, right now he is a BABY and he can't tell us what hurts. Please remember that he has a Cystic Lesion in his brain that is symptomatic.... it is a very real thing that only 1.5% of the population has to deal with and it is incredibly rare for a Pineal Cyst to be as large as our son's cyst is. It is so uncommon that every single specialist we have seen has had both a differing opinion than the specialist before them. He isn't walking because he has Hypotonia. He literally just started crawling and wasn't able to hold his own bottle until he was 9 months old because his muscle tone was so low. It's not because he is lazy or because I haven't tried. He has foot braces and Physical Therapy six times a month for a reason and it is helping immensely. He has come so far in just four months time with the help of Early Access. He grinds his teeth because he has sensory issues and he is getting some sort of feedback from it. What it is we do not know but making rude comments about it isn't going to get him to stop. Yes, it makes my skin crawl too but there is nothing that I can do about it. He also likes to scratch things, has no fear, gags on rubber, won't touch/eat things with particular textures and he absolutely will not eat or drink anything cold and acts like it is torturous. Guess what? I can't do anything about that either other than help him try to get over those things little by little. I don't know why he is that way... he just is. Hearing people say negative things about him because he does those things hurts my heart deeply. I guess I just needed to put this into the world: Please remember to think before you speak. What you say to parents about their children can be hurtful and taken the wrong way with even the best intentions. Try to put yourself the other person's shoes before making commentary on someone else's child's behaviors, especially so when that child has Special Needs. Well, it is officially October. Summer came and went in a flash filled with dozens and dozens of appointments, doctors, therapists, specialists, surgeons of several varities as well as a Neurologist and a brain surgeon.Yet, here I sit with more questions than answers. We still have not been informed of the results of our first EEG and yet I was informed that they are trying to schedule a second 24 hour EEG with Video (despite my numerous phone calls).
During our wait, I connected with Dr. Shahinian of the Skull Base Institute of Los Angeles again. We had a phone conference to once again discuss Abram's case. He already had a disc of Abram's first MRI so I emailed him a large list of questions/concerns along with his most recent high-contrast MRI image of the cyst. Plus, I made a page for just our Neuros/Doctors to see on this website with videos of Abram's seizure-like episodes as well as a intensive list of past medical history and current symptoms/behaviors, etc. Dr. Shahinian told me that he felt like the videos that I shared with him are not seizures at all instead felt that they were vision disturbances caused by the cyst. Sadly, there is nothing that we can do about that at all until we are able to get the cyst out of his head. Dr. Shahinian also felt that Abram's sleep issues also have a lot to do with the cyst, due to the fact that it is on his Pineal Gland and that gland in particular is responsible for our circadian rhythms and sleep patterns. Unfortunately, there was not much more advice he could offer me at that point and suggested supplementing Abram with some Melatonin to help him sleep at night with the hopes that more sleep would curb the fussiness and agitated states that he has regularly (ahem! seemingly non-stop!). So, again I am left feeling torn. Happy to hear that a specialist in this issue feels that Abram is *not* having seizures and distraught at the fact that I can do nothing to help him be more comfortable and at ease. The Doctor even told me that he believes that this cyst WILL need to be removed but that he is not going to jump to do something invasive at this point. It seems so surreal having a child with such an issue. The fact that something is growing in his brain and there's nothing I can do about it until it causes Hydrocephalus just seems illogical. However, so does putting my child through the most dangerous brain surgery at only one year old. It's just not fair. So, in addition to seeking the advice of Dr. Shahinian, I also showed Abram's new Pediatrician the videos of the seizure-like episodes and he felt that they were definitely something to be concerned about. After discussing our son's issues with his insurance company we were hoping to be able to go out-of-state to a Children's Specialty Hospital but we are not allowed to do so until we've run the gamut of the State's University Hospital in Iowa City. Luckily, I found a great Neurosurgeon there and was able to get our Pediatrician to get us a referral there for a second opinion. I'm not sure what it is that I am looking for or what answer I am expecting to get but I just feel like my child is suffering at the hands of time and no one but me seems to think that it's time-sensitive issue. It's been nearly a month since I called our local Neurologist office to tell them of his episodes and I haven't heard a peep and it is beyond frustrating. I get and understand that they have priorities and other patients but it seems a little careless that no one can even call me back to explain anything or tell me that my concerns aren't justified if they aren't. A call from the nurse would suffice. I guess I just am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and a little beaten down. I'm frustrated that we spent an entire summer going to appointment after appointment to not have any answers and meanwhile my son is suffering and unhappy and there isn't one thing I can do to make him feel better other than to distract him from his own discomfort for a little while with a toy or a warm bath. It's really hard not to get angry. I'm not sure to start as I feel like every single time that I have posted lately I have just been a sad Mama. Since the day Abram was born he has been fighting and he is one tough little boy but I am hoping and praying for a day when he can have a full 24 hours of feeling good. A week or a month would be even better but for now I would settle for an entire day of happiness for this little boy of mine. Abram has been having a lot of sleep issues lately. It seems like he has reverted back to an almost newborn-style schedule and wakes every night anywhere from three times to a half-dozen or more. However, his wakefulness involves a lot of screaming and sets my heart pumping full of adrenaline because he scares me out of my own sleep so badly. This poor kid just doesn't seem to be able to catch a break. With every month that has gone by since the day he came into this world it seems like another issue comes to light. It seems with the more questions we have, the less answers we get and the more hopeless and lost I feel. I knew motherhood would be hard. I knew it wouldn't be all sunshine and lollipops and I am absolutely aware that there are probably a lot of folks reading this who have it a lot worse than I do and for that - I feel incredibly selfish for even saying that right now I just feel lost, helpless and a little hopeless even. Most recently, Abram has started to have strange episodes. The first time we were just playing and he just screamed out, his entire body went limp and he flopped into his Boppy limply. His eyes were open but he wasn't there and he was not responsive and then.... just like that he was back up and playing like nothing happened. The second time I had just put him down for a nap and within 15-20 minutes he was screaming bloody murder. I ran into his room to find him face-down in his crib screaming and screaming. I picked him up and ran into the living room so I could get a better look at him and find where he was hurt. His entire body was limp, his head was just dangling there (as was his legs and his arms) and even though he was still screaming... he was not responsive to me at all and again his eyes were open but no one was home. I took him to the doctor that day and we were scheduled for an EEG that we had to wait two weeks to get. In the meantime, he had a third episode that was similar to the one I just described but his muscles were rigid and tense. After the last two episodes, he just "came to" gasped for air and fell right asleep. I've been told that these episodes could be seizures or they could be night terrors. What the correct answer is - I do not know and again we have to wait and see. Abram just had his EEG this week. I think the worst part of it was sleep depriving him, which we had to do in order to avoid sedation again. So we had to put him to bed two hours late, wake him two hours early and not allow for him to have any naps. I was assured that the EEG itself was not painful but Abram was not a fan of being strapped down to a board and having a sweet nurse draw on his head and attach the sensors. His head was then wrapped like a mummy and I was able to crawl into bed with him and cuddle him while he was supposed to be sleeping. Again, he had several wakeful issues during his EEG and at one point just sat straight up in the middle of it. It was a short EEG - only 65 minutes and then we were allowed to go home. Now we are just waiting for the results on that and I am anxiously waiting for our Neurologist to get back from Vacation so I can talk to him about some of our most recent concerns. Luckily, I still have a couple of weeks left to ask the advice of Dr. Shahinian of the Skull Base Institute in LA, so we have a phone consultation with him again on Monday. I typed up an email with a lot of our newer concerns, questions and sent him a link to some video clips that I feel are important for him to see as Abram has developed a lot of strange quirks with his eyes on top of the strange scream/sleep episodes. In other news - we are still waiting to get in with a Geneticist to figure out the cause of Abram's Hypotonia and are now working with a Dietician to make sure he is getting all of the healthy fats and foods he needs to make sure he grows up all healthy and strong. That's all for now. There will be more news after we speak to Dr. Shahinian and after we get the results of the EEG. As always, thank you so much for the support. I have found an incredible network of people who suffer from Pineal Cysts as well as Parents of children with Special Needs and I must say that it is incredibly heart warming to have people who understand what we are going through and who take the time to send a kind word whether they are across town or on the other side of the globe. Our little family cannot thank you enough for your kind words.
There are days when it is hard to stay positive. Weeks even. I try my best to keep this blog "positive" as no one wants to read "poor me" posts but sorry friends, today is not one of those days.
I try to stay focused on the accomplishments and improvements that have been attained instead of thinking of all the things we haven't gotten to yet. The truth is, the majority of the time Abram is fussy and uncomfortable. He is almost *always* fussy and not feeling good. Please do not confuse "fussy" with unhappy, though. Abram is clearly in pain in ways he is unable to express to us verbally but he still tries to smile and will still muster a giggle immediately after being bent to his extremes at Physical Therapy or after getting jabbed multiple times to give blood. He loves the part of life where he actually feels good. I just can't wait to find out how we can make them come more often for him. The last few weeks have been bad. He has been incredibly fussy, easily irritated and back to a nearly newborn schedule as far as sleep goes. I have been one tired mama. Today he had his Physical Therapy at ChildServe and we cut it short today because he was just so fussy and absolutely not having any of it. When we came home, I fed him a bottle and laid him down for a nap. Within 15 minutes he did this really scary scream/cry - the kind of scream that most parents have to pull themselves off the ceiling from... and I ran into his room. He was on his stomach, with all of his limbs stretched out, face down (but with his head turned to the side, thankfully) and he was just screaming and crying a weird cry I'd never hear before. When I picked him up his entire body was limp. He was crying like he was pain but his body was just dangling there and he had no "real tears" coming out. He was like that for what seemed like ages and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if it was a bad dream, if he was really even awake and just sat in his room and rocked him. Finally, he opened his eyes up and looked at me for a little bit while I sang to him and he just let out a big sigh (the gasp,gasp... heavy sigh that kids do after a good fit) and he went right to sleep. At that point, he napped for a little while and when he woke up he was still unconsolably fussy. He wanted to eat but was acting like his bites of food were hurting him. So, I decided to run him to the walk-in clinic where as (un)luck would have it, our old Pediatrician was the walk-in doctor for us today. I hadn't seen him since I ditched him for another Pediatrician, so I felt awkward at our encounter but I'm pretty sure he has no clue that I've been seeing another Doctor for the last six months. Anyway... I wasn't too thrilled that he was the doctor we got since he never noticed any of the issues we are having and didn't agree he was behind on his milestones until he was 10 months old. Alas, that's who we got and he gave Abe a thorough exam. He said that he was "fine" physically and had no ear infections/issues so due to the fact he has so many other issues going on that he was going to refer us to get an EEG done on him now as well. The Doctor was thinking that perhaps he was having a mini seizure (as this has happened on a less grand scale one other time, during the day as we were playing). He sent us on our way and told us to expect a phone call from a Nurse telling us the time/date of the EEG appointment. I went ahead and called the Neurologist and spoke with his Nurse about what happened today. So at this point, we are waiting for him to look over things and he will getting back with me on what he wants us to do. Some seizures can be common in infants but adding this to everything else that is going on with his Pineal Cyst Lesion and his Hypotonia (and lack of knowing what is causing it) and I am just concerned that this can be another symptom of whatever it is that seems to be missing from this puzzle. As I have mentioned before, Hypotonia is typically a cause of an underlying disease and disorder so until the things I fear get crossed off the list our Neurologist has in mind - I prefer to stay on the side of caution! When I saw my son like that, I nearly came out of my own skin. Holding your child and having them be non-responsive and just dangling there conscious but unconscious is really quite scary. However, I remained calm and did the best that I could in that situation. I'm just hoping that it gets figured out quickly. I'm so tired of having another "bad" thing happen. I've already had one good cry this week that resulted in a regretful migraine so instead of another good cry - I'm staying strong and doing what I can to help my son. It was a rough day but this little man still remains in good spirits! He can be having a terrible stay and still find the time to give a smile or make a goofy face. Even if he follows it up with his infamous "beagle howl". It is these little moments that make all the scary moments worth all the fear and anxiety. If he can still smile and laugh after all that he has been through in his short little life.... than this Mama can get him through anything. Enjoy the video. :) Today was a pretty good day. Abram had his first private Physical Therapy appointment at Child Serve that went really well. He seemed to really like his therapist and didn't start getting fussy until the very end but it involved the touching of a rubbery item which always seems to send him over the edge! This little man definitely has some sensory issues with items made of rubber and things that are squishy! The best part about the PT was the fact that his therapist was so impressed by how much he had improved since his evaluation! Since June he has been able to sit up, pivot and go from sitting to hand-and-knees and back! So, he is getting all new goals written for him which is a great feeling! Then he had his Occupational Therapy at home today as well! The two therapists that come for that are so enjoyable and Abram likes playing with them. Today they brought him a great sensory toy that involved a container of rice and toys in which he wanted nothing to do with but he did show them how he likes to take toys out of containers and bang them together which was one of his short-term goals so this kid is rockin' it lately! All of the therapists were excited to hear that Abram did his first "crawling" yesterday. He didn't go far but he definitely crawled and we were so very excited to see him do that! Of course, he would not replicate it for anyone today but just seeing him do that was such a HUGE deal to us! He is still not weight-bearing on his legs but that will come with time. He's got to get the crawling down first and then the weight-bearing and walking will come. With his new little foot braces and the exercises I was shown to do with him, he should be making great strides by his second birthday! I'm hoping he proves us all wrong and walks by the Holidays but I don't want to jinx him. He's just been such a badass little boy lately! He has taught me so much about the value of patience! The best news of the day came from our Neurologist today who informed us that Abram's cyst is hopefully "benign". So for now, his diagnosis is NOT cancer which is a big relief. He does still have that thing in his brain and it can grow but at least with it not being cancerous gives us more time to save money and more time to research who the best-of-the-best is when the time comes to get the cyst out of his little noggin. The scary part was when I asked him if the cyst could turn into cancer and he told me that he couldn't say. (Again, this is a justifiable concern as it just happened to the only other male born on my father's side.) The worst part is the fact that that thing is in my son's head and the only answer we have right now is to wait for it to grow. No one wants to open up a child's head when as of now, the only symptoms he has are hypotonia and farsightedness. So, we were told just to wait and see if Abram complains of headaches (once he starts talking) and to make sure he isn't "walking around like a drunk person". The only way that they will recommend him for surgery is once that cyst starts compressing on things and causing other life-threatening issues like Hydrocephalus. It's all so scary and frustrating. So... the only thing we can do is hurry up and wait and in the mean time just keep on working away at his developmental issues! Yep! So that's where we are everyone! Good news with bad news and the unknown... but we are doing everything that we can for this little man to have a good life and that is all that matters! His fall/winter will be filled with lots of appointments as he will be getting Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy twice a week and once his Speech Therapy goes into effect we'll be having even more appointments. When I closed my shop I was really torn and heartbroken but now I know that I made the right decision. Everything fell into place for a reason. I am lucky beyond belief that I have a soon-to-be husband that makes it so that I can be home with our kiddo and take him to all the places that will benefit him the most. I definitely believe that all things happen for a reason and that maybe some day we will know why Abram has had to go through so much at such a young age but until then.... we'll just keep working hard to make him as happy as can be! Thanks for reading - and for caring! xoxo |
About MeHello! My name is Erin. I am Abram's mom, a tireless advocate for UBE2A Deficiency Syndrome and a fierce proponent for medical cannabis. MOST POPULAR BlOG ENTRYJOIN US
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