My little boy amazes me every single day. I love that when I look back at just a few weeks ago (let alone months ago), I can see all these incredible improvements. Many of which the "professionals" told us he may never be able to do. Abram has a serious knack for proving people wrong. We have Cannabis Oil to thank for much of it in addition to the hard work he puts in every single week at therapy with his Occupational, Feeding and Speech Therapists. We are lucky to have accumulated an amazing team of therapists and SCL/Respite providers who work with our family to give him the best life possible, as well. If you are reading this - Thank You. When our Neurologist first told us about cannabidiol, it was in regards to how shocked he was at how well some of his other kids were doing. I remember him telling me specifically about one child who came in walking and talking when before they were unable to talk or willfully be examined. When I heard him say that cannabis helped a child gain the ability to talk on TOP of having the ability to gain control over his seizures - my heart got hopeful. It took me months to decide on trying it, despite the numerous times that it was brought up. I was nervous. And scared. But if you know us or have read this Blog, you know how Abram has suffered. You know how many doctors have told us incorrect diagnoses including one Neurologist who told us he was "fine", an Orthopaedic Surgeon who told us he may never walk and a Pediatrician who missed absolutely everything about my son's health issues for the first 10 months of his life. Before Cannabis Oil:
After Cannabis Oil:
He hasn't gained his words back (he had Mama, Papa and Cat before March), but he is making new sounds all the time and is working incredibly hard for his Speech Therapists. Seizures stole his words but they didn't steal his determination and his inane desire to prove everyone wrong and do all the things he sets his mind to.
It has officially been a year since Abram was officially diagnosed with Epilepsy. I had no idea what the next 365 days would bring us. But here we are! It only took five MRIs, five EEGs, four long hospital stays, four Neurologists, four Neurosurgeons, four world-reknown skull based surgeons, three Epileptologists, three VEEGs, three sleep medicine doctors, two Nephrologists, two Endocrinologists, two ENTs, two Genetic Counselors, two Pediatric Development Specialists, one Craniofacial Surgeon and one Ambulance Ride. But today, I can say "My son is 127 days seizure free, today!" I realize that as he grows our need for stronger medicine will most likely rise - which is why I am fighting for changes in our laws. If you live in Iowa and have been touched by our story, please write to our Legislators! I also encourage you to write to our US Congress by writing to your Senators and your Representatives! Help spread the positive message that Cannabis IS Medicine. Dear US Senator Joni Ernst, I was in the Drake Diner in Des Moines, Iowa the day you came to celebrate your win for the US Senate. I was sitting in the booth right by the front door. I had my small son who was two at the time and you had a large group in the back who cheered loudly and clapped for you as you came in. You didn't notice that when your group of supporters began screaming for you, that my son slammed his head twice on the edge of table. The noise your group suddenly made (without regard to any of the other patrons) both terrified and overwhelmed him. The metal edging on those old vintage-style tables there really did a number on my son's forehead and he had a lump and a bruise for over a week. Two of your supporters noticed my son in hysterics as they walked by. Instead of smiling or offering some form of apology for the uproar, they sneered at us as I was trying to calm him down. I'm sure they saw the huge welt on his forehead and thought of me as a terrible mother. They were both still smoking outside when we left. You didn’t acknowledge my son that day in the Diner and you aren’t acknowledging him now. So, it didn’t surprise me when you accidentally sent me the response to "crude oil" instead of "cannabis oil" to my e-mail. It’s those little attention-to-details things one has to do when someone truly cares about their people. I was pleased to see that I received an additional e-mail today with your response to "cannabis oil" instead of "crude oil" today. The bare-boned truth here is you didn't take the time to actually hear what my real concerns were at all. My name was just pasted into a bulk e-mail (just like the "crude oil" response) and sent on out, without any real regard to what is happening to people in the Unites States of America, let alone your home state, Iowa. You yourself claimed in your campaign that you are a “normal, everyday” Iowan. If that were true, you would listen to the concerns of the mothers and families in this state who are reaching out to you for help in Iowa and in Congress. I was fully aware that you supported the extremely limited bill in 2014, as an Iowa Senator. That is precisely why I reached out to you. You spent a great deal of your letter explaining to me what CBD is. Clearly, I already know what Cannabis Oil is used for or I wouldn't have been reaching out to you for help in the first place. My son has Epilepsy, a Genetic Brain Disorder, a Rare Chromosome Disorder and a long list of other diagnoses you have never heard of and thanks to CBD, my son is 125 days seizure free today! I reached out to you because I wanted you to know that the "narrow limited use of a marijuana plant" is not working for my particular situation or hundreds of other families. I wanted you to know that children are suffering in your state. Parents are forced to walk a supposed "grey area" in the law and fear that their children will be removed from the home because they are doing what is right. I reached out to you because our own Neurologist (who we'd seen since my son was 10 months old) told us we should to try CBD and was unable to help us. I reached out to you because our state capitol's only Children's Hospital will not back its use without FDA Approval and our Neurologist had to follow protocol. I reached out because that same Hospital actively lobbies against important bills that could help children like mine at the State House. I reached out to you because suffering children and adults need you to stand up and do what is right in Congress to fix things for families like mine. Never once in my conversation with your Regional Director did I request "the opening of medical marijuana dispensaries and the use of medical marijuana in general" as you mentioned in your letter, although I feel that is the obvious thing to do when you pass a law for things like CBD but don't allow access, like we have here in Iowa. What I did request was help for my son and for the children in Iowa to have a chance at using a natural, plant based medicine as opposed to the Pharmaceuticals that just keep piling on with every serious seizure. Pharmaceutical Drugs were the worst thing that happened to my son, thus far in his life. Not only did they create new and worsening types of seizures - they took away his ability to walk (for which he worked for years to be able to do) and they took away his words after a serious fit of side effects from the Klonopin. (We later found out he was on too much but that took us going to a World Reknown Hospital hundreds of miles away from home and five months waiting on referrals.)The Keppra he was put him on made him have serious behavioral issues where he did not stop screaming or crying for nearly 14 days straight before our Neurologist pulled him right back off of it. You claimed in your letter that the "concept of using marijuana for medical purposes is relatively new and the science surrounding it is still developing" but that simply is not true. The research is there and in fact, the United States Patent 6,630,507 now held by the US Department of Health states cannabinoids are "substantially free of psychoactive or psychotoxic effects, are substantially non-toxic even at very high doses, and have good tissue penetration, for example crossing the blood brain barrier." In order to hold a patent, did the Government not do enough research themselves? Cited references within the US Patent go back to 1942 so clearly it is not a new concept at all. My son is not a sympathetic story. My son is a little boy who deserves the same quality of life that all of six of your grandchildren deserve. He deserves the right to think and laugh and smile and be awake and alive instead of being drugged into a stupor on Pharmaceutical drugs whose side effects can be worse and more damaging than the seizures themselves. If you truly understood how patients, including children like my son are struggling, you would not hesitate to stand up and do what is right in Congress. You have the power to help suffering Iowans and Americans alike. Sincerely, Erin Miller Dear Mrs. Miller,
Thank you for taking the time to contact me about the use of marijuana for medical purposes. It is important for me to hear from folks in Iowa on policy matters such as this. Additionally, thank you for sharing your personal story about your son and your family. Currently, some form of marijuana usage is now legal in 38 states, including Iowa. As you know, the medical use of cannabis oil extract was legalized in our state in 2014, and I supported this measure during my time as an Iowa State Senator. Cannabis oil is derived from marijuana plants and is typically used to treat epilepsy. It has high concentrations of cannabidiol (CBD), a non-psychoactive antioxidant, and low concentrations of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the mind-altering compound found in marijuana. Though I supported this narrow, limited use of a marijuana plant extract, I have concerns about the opening of medical marijuana dispensaries and the use of medical marijuana in general. The concept of using marijuana for medical purposes is relatively new and the science surrounding it is still developing. Before being introduced to the market, commercially available pharmaceuticals are subject to years of research and testing in order to prove their efficacy and safety. As you may know, marijuana is classified as a Schedule I substance, a label assigned by the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) to drugs which it deems have high abuse potential and no medicinal value. Many contend that this classification makes it more difficult for scientists and researchers to study marijuana. I understand that a number of patients, including children like your son, are struggling with chronic diseases and use marijuana for treatment. More research needs to be done on the medical use of marijuana and I would also like to see more evidence that the substance can be distributed in a safe, responsible, and controlled manner. Please know that I will continue to keep your views in mind as Congress continues to work on this issue. Feel free to contact my office with any further information, as I always enjoy hearing from Iowans. Sincerely, Joni K. Ernst United States Senator Last night was my first town hall meeting and the very first time that I spoke publicly about my son's health care issues and needs. It was hard for me to do and very emotional. I was so nervous when I was handed that microphone that my heart was beating in my chest. I honestly can't even remember exactly what it is that I even said but it went something like this:
"Hi. My name is Erin Miller. My son has been a patient of Unity Point since he was a tiny baby. Your Neurology Department found the mass in his brain at 10 months old. They guided us through his first Ambulance Ride and following Hospital Stay and they were the ones who gave us our son's Epilepsy Diagnosis last October. Your Neurologist also was the person who encouraged us to try CBD and then was unable to sign our card for us. So, I'm curious as to why your Hospital has a policy against CBD when your Physicians feel otherwise". As I said this, I could see the woman sitting next to me furiously shaking her head "no" and instead of allowing the Nurse Practitioner (who was the one speaking at this event) to answer, the woman seated next to me was handed the microphone. She introduced herself as Chaney Yeast, and promptly informed me that what I was saying was incorrect and that they do not have a "policy" against CBD. I don't recall what else she said because I was absolutely floored at what I was hearing. As soon as I heard her say her name I knew exactly who she was. Unity Point's lobbyist who fought AGAINST the CBD Bill in 2014 was sitting right next to me. She also happens to be the Manager of the Regional Child Protection Center at Blank Children's Hospital. When I first started getting involved in legislature, I read about Chaney Yeast in the news because she was the woman who stated publicly that “We don’t know if families use it for their children that maybe four years from now they could contract cancer or something like that.” I found it interesting that a woman in the crowd was trying to tell me what I have lived and experienced for the whole of 2015 was untrue. I let her know (with microphone in hand) that their own COO had spoken with me on the matter and that I have a letter from him admitting that they won't back it until the FDA approves the use of such oils. We each only had 3 minutes so that conversation went quickly but I scooted next to her on the bleacher and showed the before and after photos of my son and told her of all the improvements that he has made courtesy of the CBD. I explained to her that her Hospital was unable to help us on more than one occasion and that it was difficult to understand how a Physician can tell us behind closed doors to try a medicine and then not give us legal access by signing our Application for a Registration Card. I reminded her that I'd written to their CEO and their VP only to be ignored. But she held fast to saying that none of their Neurologists feel comfortable with CBD or signing for anyone. I was hoping that hearing what we'd gone through with the ups and downs of diagnoses and medical emergencies and their own physicians throwing their hands up in the air and admitting defeat in not knowing how to help - and admitting to us that they didn't know what to do would make her realize how poorly their hospital policy is affecting people. But... she held on to her point that Unity Point does not have a "policy" against CBD - that they are just waiting for FDA Approval. However, they as a Hospital actively lobbied against the CBD Bill in 2014 and will clearly continue to do so which breaks my heart for all of the other children who suffer, who need help and who are being ravaged by pharmaceutical drugs. So, I decided to look up the definition of "policy" to see for myself if I was missing something. What the difference is between not acting on helping a patient (while waiting for approval from the FDA) and the literal definition of "policy" was. Here is what I found: policy noun, pol·i·cy often attributive \ˈpä-lə-sē\ Definition of POLICY1. a : prudence or wisdom in the management of affairs b : management or procedure based primarily on material interest 2. a : a definite course or method of action selected from among alternatives and in light of given conditions to guide and determine present and future decisions b : a high-level overall plan embracing the general goals and acceptable procedures especially of a governmental body Perhaps I am just reading the Dictionary wrong but it seems to me that their actions definitely prove that what they are doing is indeed a "policy" but that is clearly my own opinion. As a mother whose child has been directly impacted by this (non) policy - this is just hard to swallow. I just don't understand why they aren't helping. She tried telling me that we are on the same team and fighting for the same things but I disagree. I don't think that it is okay for a Physician to tell a scared set of parents with a sick little boy that a) they don't know how to help and b) tell them that they should give CBD a try and then not actually be able to help. She told me that she knows that none of them are comfortable signing for the cards. In my opinion, it is wrong for them not to sign when they themselves felt that it would benefit our child. A hospital's non-policy or hesitence to not help and even hinder the cause says everything that it can possibly say without even uttering a word. Clearly, I am thankful that our Physician told us to try CBD a handful of times before we finally decided to pursue that option. If he hadn't done so - my son would NOT be seizure free today. My son wouldn't have those awful side effects from CBD like cognitive gains, sleeping, eating, playing with other children, actually being able to play with toys and improving on his fine and gross motor skills like a champ. That physician saved my son's life. And even though I am angry at him for not standing up for what is right or what he felt was best for our child... I am thankful for him telling us about it. I understand that he is an employee and has to follow the guidelines set upon him by his employer like anybody else. It just happened to affect my family personally and I took it personal as most rational people would. Last night was an emotional night for me and of course I barely slept a wink because all I could think about was "what if". But I can't think that way anymore. I'm changing all those "what ifs" to What Now. I am doing all that I can for my son. I am a good mother. I am a fighter. I am an Advocate and now that makes me an Activist, too. Standing up for what you believe in is hard. I sat in those bleachers with tears pouring out of my eyes as I spoke to that woman but I said what I wanted to say. We definitely aren't fighting the same fight but in the end, she gave me her card and I shook her hand. I just hope that she listened and actually heard. TODAY marks 115 days SEIZURE FREE courtesy of CBD. Hey there Everyone!
I'm feeling scared lately. I had been asked to do a story on the News - just sharing Abram's story from the start and how hard it has been to first and foremost - get proper medical care for a child that is so very medically complex and lastly, having legal access to a medicine that he needs so badly. I chickened out on doing the story after getting advice from other parents/advocates in other legal states. I have written every Iowa Senator twice and have only gotten a few responses. I have written every single Iowa House Member twice as well and have started down the long line of calling home phone numbers (don't worry - they are posted publicly on their own website and completely legal). Most don't return my phone calls either. I have spoken with US Senator Grassley himself, I have spoken with US Senator Joni Ernst's Regional Director (still waiting for an official response from her) and I have met with the Iowa Governor's Health Advisor since the Governor is entirely too busy to meet with a worried mama regarding a bill he signed himself. I was told by the Governor's Health Advisor to reach out to the Iowa Department of Health who were by the way, absolutely sympathetic with our story - as is most people who hear it - but the law is the law and there is no way to get a Registration Card through the back door as I was led to believe. Yesterday was a hard day after several phone calls and exciting prospects only be be shoved back in the mud. I'm trying but I'm getting the steam knocked out of me. Only 72 people have been issued cards in our state. That is not many people getting help compared to the large amount of money our state spent on implementing said cards. And when you realize that of those 72 cards - most of them are probably care givers over actual patients. The fact is - when you sign up for a card - you also have to sign up anyone and everyone who would need to be able to administer the medicine. So for our family - we would need 3 cards just for us. However, that isn't even counting any of his care providers like Respite or SCL who can administer psychotropic drugs like Valium to my child in an emergency without needing such things in place. My son CAN NOT overdose on a medicine like CBD but we have tubes of Emergency Meds that are considered controlled substances that could kill him if he were overdosed on them and no one blinks an eye. How is it that people are MISSING THIS?! Being vocal about this is scary. Being open about it is scary. I backed out of the News Story out of FEAR. Fear that someone will take my child away. Fear of being thrown in jail for doing what is right. Fear of having his medicine taken away even though one of the Country's Best Hospitals who have a Level 4 Epilepsy standing back and support it 100% and I have proof of that within his own medical records. I'm sad and I'm frustrated and I want to do the right thing. Standing up for what you believe in has been such a vital role in my life - my whole life. Doing that is right is scary. My son is seizure free and that is what matters the most. But the story that goes with it..... matters. He is not just a "sympathetic story" as Gov. Chris Christie claimed when CBD was brought up in the Republican debate weeks ago. My son is a boy. A human. A child. My baby. My LIFE. My absolutely everything. And to think that me standing up and saying "Hey... our own Hospital and Physician betrayed us, the law isn't working for us and no one is helping." can land me in jail just because I said it publicly is horrifying. I've tried my hardest to do the right thing and play by the rules. I have written so many emails when I could be relaxing or reading a book. In my downtime, I am pleading for help from anyone who will listen. I don't get to relax or have "me" time because I am always having to fight for my son's rights. When you have to fight so hard just to get good health care - only to turn around and have to fight for his medicine - it is hard not to get angry. Change needs to happen and it needs to happen now. For him. For you. For your kids. For all of us. All parents have their breaking point and last Wednesday, I had mine.
We'd been gone for 8 days for our trip to the Mayo Clinic for their Diagnostic Team and my son had had enough. I had had enough. We just got home from a nearly 4 hour car ride where my son whined nearly the entire way and it'd been more than 48 hours since either one of us got some sleep. My father had finally urged me to put him down for a nap and for me to do the same. So, I put Abram down in his crib, made sure we did our normal routine of sound-maker, lavendar lotion back-rub and crib soother. Plus - the almighty blanket fluffing. But he just started to cry. I figured he was just over-tired so I went into my closet - to CRY. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Then I heard him screaming. An awful scream. And I ran in there to find my son had screamed so loud and so hard that he'd made himself projectile vomit all over himself, his bedding, through the crib slats and all over the floor. I yelled up the stairs to ask for my parents to help and my mom came running to clean him up while I changed all his sheets and scraped vomit off his pillows. We got him put back down and he fell right asleep while I fell into a heap on the couch and just BAWLED. I felt like a horrible mother. I felt like a failure. I felt lost. I felt alone. And I felt ANGRY. Since the day my son was born we have had to FIGHT. We had to tell the Nurses his lips and fingers were purple. We had to tell our Pediatrician - and another and another that SOMETHING WAS WRONG before anyone would listen. I KNEW he was having seizures before the "professionals" even agreed with me. When you have a sick kid you lose everything: Your friends who you thought would always be there. Your family who just don't understand so they don't bother to say anything. Your faith in people and doctors and even the universe. It is HARD and no one gets it except for the people who live it. At Mayo we were treated with Dignity and Respect. My old videos that I showed for seizure examples were confirmed as just that. When my son was collapsing and our local doctors turned us away and told us they couldn't help us and shipped us off.. it turned out that they were overdosing my child on a benzo. Those collapsing spells weren't new seizures - they were a side effect of TOO MUCH MEDICINE. At Mayo, we were NOT frowned upon or shunned for giving our child CBD. At Mayo, we weren't told that we needed to add yet another harmful pharmaceutical with a myriad of dangerous side effects to our toddlers medicine regiment. Does that mean it will always be so? I don't know. He has EPILEPSY. Our pediatrician said it best when she said "I can't tell you what the next year will bring you. But I can tell you it's not your fault". In Iowa:
Today, when speaking with US Senator Charles Grassley - I admitted that although I tried my best to follow the law here - and went through all of the proper routes - I was unable to obtain the Registration Card for my son. Due to that reason, I was forced to do what was best for my child and that I was happy to report that my son is nearly three months free of physical seizures. I did not get a congratulations. Or an "I'm happy to hear that". Instead I was quickly dismissed to another one of his advisors who talked to me about all the things that Grassley is doing to try and change things but that CBD cannot be rescheduled until there is more "research". I reminded him that such research would not be able to be done UNTIL they rescheduled CBD as a Schedule II drug - due to the fact that it is illegal at the Federal Level - no research can be done until that happens. I got a chuckle and a bad joke about "The Chicken and the Egg" metaphor. In light of the need for "more research" I asked specifically how it is that the United States Government and the Department of Health can have a Patent 6630507 for "Cannabinoids as an Antioxident and Neuroprotectant" and that their own document states clearly that cannabinoids "are substantially non-toxic even at very high doses" To which he laughed and said "We are Congress not Scientists". Imagine now - if this were your child. Suffering from Day One and as a parent - being forced to be a "criminal" because Doctors, Hospitals and Politicians don't have the guts to stand up for what is right. We finally made it to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota last week. I must once again thank everyone for the help they sent our way in the spring so we were able to afford to stay out-of-town while our son needed to be in appointments throughout the Mayo Campus for the last week.
We FINALLY have an extensive medical team standing behind us and for us. The level of care and compassion at Mayo compared to anywhere in Iowa was beyond any expectations that we had. We did not get good news but it was news we needed to know and it is never easy to hear unexpected results after your child undergoes his fifth sedated MRI at just over 3 years of age. In the last 7 days we met with a new Neurologist, Neurosurgeon, a Geneticist, a Genetic Counselor, a Genetic Researcher, a new Developmental Pediatrician, ENT and Sleep Medicine Physician. My son had to endure an MRI with lumbar puncture, multiple blood draws and a 16-point sleep study and another Video EEG in the last week. They used a different kind of MRI machine on Abram in Minnesota called a 3 Tesla. (You can read about it here.) Basically, this MRI takes thousands of images in comparison to the hundreds that are taken here. Which means a clearer picture of what is going on within Abram's brain, literally. Sadly, they found that in addition to the Pineal Cyst they have also discovered that Abram's brain has multiple abnormalities. It turns out that while he was developing, some of the gray matter in his brain did not "migrate" out to the outside of his brain. So, he has certain types of brain matter within the white matter of his brain that is not supposed to be there and he also has grey matter within his cerebellum. These changes are what they feel are causing Abram's seizures causing him nearly all of his issues including his inability to retain language. They are not sure if he will ever be able to speak but they aren't ruling it out, either. So in that way, we will just keep on doing what we have been doing and immersing him with as much therapy and outside help that we can get. We FINALLY have an SCL and Respite Team that we adore and are working TOGETHER to do the best for Abram. We also have been advised to do a Full Exome Genetic Test. In doing so, it will check all of Abram's Genes and see if there are any abnormalities that the three of us don't share. From there, they can try to narrow it down even more if they happen to catch something. We have joined Mayo's Research Study so any testing that happens after the Full Exome will be covered in full in trade for our DNA. Many people don't understand the point in doing this sort of testing but this is what they need to understand: Genetic Testing is not to figure our what is "wrong" with our child. It is not to be used to point fingers at which parent a child got handed down a gene from. This is about how to prepare for our son's future. This has the potential of not only possibly catching something to help Abram live the best life but it also has the potential to help other families who come after us. Abram's story, diagnoses and genetics has the great chance of helping another child and another family know what to expect. This is about doing what is best for Abram. If they don't find an answer - so be it. If we find a causative gene - we can help pave the way on how to best prepare a family with a similar diagnosis. The EEG found that his brain fires all of the time from all over the place, due to the fact that he has grey matter where it shouldn't be. There is no surgical fix for that type of seizure so it is something he was born with and will always have. In addition, the feel that the pineal cyst is significant and want us to get another scan in 6 months. I was hoping that this would be the last time they would tell me it was "incidental" and "not causing any issues" and we could go on with it. It just sucks is that the reality of it is that it requires constant monitoring. And constant worries about the effects of the Anesthesia on our son. The best news was that when I shared that my son was on CBD and had been 9 weeks seizure free they all didn't look the least bit shocked and were pleased to see that it was working. It was even referred to as an "innocuous drug" and without side effects. I was told that there was NO NEED for the change in meds (in addition to his Clonazepam) and that if nothing's broke - you don't fix it. CBD has given my son the first summer in his life where he was able to enjoy it. He laughed more. He loved more. He got to be a little boy for the first time in his life. He got to run the first time and get a skinned knee at his Grandpa's. He got to go to the splash pad and have fun with other kids. He got to go to the play area at the mall for the first time ever without hightailing it for the car because it was too overwhelming. We didn't get the answers we wanted but we got the ones we needed. I officially know that I am doing all that I can for my son. We officially have a TEAM of medical sub specialists who are willing to help us and take care of our medically complex boy.
I've been listening to my mom's old record albums a lot lately. When we moved in together she brought her crate of records that had been stashed away - probably since before I was born. When I wanted to listen to Creedence's album "Willy and the Poor Boys", I had to slice the piece of tape she had put on the edge to keep the record from falling out. The song "Effigy" just struck me and gave me goosebumps: particularly the lyrics "Silent Majority Weren't Keeping Quiet Anymore".
Before Abram, I always knew the medical field was filled with holes but I had no idea how many. I had no idea how hard we'd have to fight to get someone to listen to me when we wouldn't stop screaming as a newborn. I had no idea that 3 years later we'd still be fighting for diagnoses and for good decent doctors. We finally have a wonderful Pediatrician who we love and adore and the best Pharmacist a person could ask for. He's known me for 15 years and has always helped me with choices on what is best for me and mine. I must admit that I was pretty hurt by the fact that our Neurologist who had been seeing my son since he was 10 months old was unwilling to help us. I am certain that much of his inability to help comes from the fact that his job relies on his compliance with Hospital Policy but it came with great disappointment. It's hard to fathom how someone can tell a parent that there is a medicine that can help your child, encourage you to get it and then yet refuse to sign a Registration Card to prevent you from being prosecuted. It's just disappointing because I thought they really cared. I was wrong. What's even worse is that everyone is more worried about getting sued instead of worrying about what is right. Yet, I have to remember that our Neurologist has to worry about their job and their own family as well. I should not expect him to risk his livelihood for my child. I should however, expect that a Hospital would do what is best. The last three years have been spent fighting for doctors, for answers, for specialists and then sub-specialists. I feel like I'm always advocating, researching and reading and then re-reading. I had no idea how hard it would be to find a team that would cover all of our bases and make sure that everything is going well. I think we are finally on the right track but only time will tell. Kids with complex medical histories are hard to service and I fear that the changes our Governor has made to his Medicaid will only make things worse in 2016 but I'll just fight for that too. For now, my focus is on getting the Iowa Law changed so my son can get help. The current CBD Bill in our state isn't enough. There are NO Neurologists in the State of Iowa who are willing to stand up and help a little boy get better on a natural medicine like hemp oil. We NEED a more comprehensive Medical Marijuana Bill put into place so children and adults alike don't have to suffer from seizures, neurological disorders and auto-immune diseases and more. I will always fight for Abe. It's just unfortunate that it has to be so hard to get the right care for kids who confuse the system. It's hard to get the right care when you know more than a lot of the people you are going to for help in these Hospitals. It's hard to know who really wants to help you and who just wants your money. It's hard to know if I am ever making the right decisions. So I just have to go with my mama gut and fight for what I feel to be right. I just know that I want what is best for my son. And adding more Pharmas to an already globally delayed child is not the answer. He deserves a quality of life where he can be a kid!! He deserves a try at the very least. He has been on some form of pharmaceutical medication from Day One and it's time to stop. He deserves to be a kid. And I hope that someday he'll read these Blog Entries and be happy. But for now, I'd settle for hearing him call me Mama again. The seizures stole that from me too. The silent majority aren't keepin' quiet anymore. #FightForAbe Things are hard when it comes to what's right and what is wrong. I have tried my best to do what is right when it comes to the extent of the law. I have followed every avenue that was presented. I have asked nicely on more than one occasion for the help that my son needs and for a medicine that can help him. I have been advised to get help from law enforcement and I have been advised against it. I have been told to "do it anyway" from my own lawmakers. I have also been told "I don't know" when asked about the specifics of a law that they themselves have made.
I am beyond frustrated. And in fighting a fight for a medicine that has a stigma so far removed from what is going on in our generation - it is most unfair. If someone had told me when I had my son that I would be fighting for legal access to CBD I would have asked them "CB What?". The truth is - I had no idea I would have to fight so hard just to give my son good care. If you've been reading this blog - you know our struggles. You know how hard I've had to fight for answers for my son. We have been through the ringer with the medical field way before we were even told our son has Epilepsy. We have been told contradicting information and advice since Day 1. I still often linger on the "what-ifs" of the day he was born and if this could have been prevented for the most part. Obviously, I can't prevent a Chromosome Disorder or a fused kidney or a mass in his brain but I often wonder if his Hypotonia, Global Delays and Speech Issues have more to do with his lack of 02 at Birth than anything else. But.. I can do nothing about that. It is what it is. What I can do is fight. I can educate. I can share our story. I can try to hold back tears when I am showing a Senator a video of my son having a fit on Keppra because he can barely handle seeing my son like that. I can try to hold back an Ugly Cry as I share with the President of the Iowa's Senate's Assistant that we STILL can't get help. I can hold back my rage when yet another Physician is more worried about getting sued and "not having a legal leg to stand on". My son deserves a quality of life that doesn't include eyeball lesions, painful rashes, more severe seizures and slower thinking. If a person looks (actually LOOKS) at the things the FDA Approves (and often rescinds) - they make think twice about giving medicines to a child that have the possibility of life-long damaging side effects over a plant. A PLANT. It's not right and it's not fair. But I'm fighting as always. Always for Abe. (Fighting to get a CBD Registration Card has been proven to be quite difficult. So, I have not stopped contacting my State's Representatives. I have officially written each of my State's Senators TWICE and out of 24 Senators - only 3 have responded. Yes, I get that they are out-of-session but they still check their e-mails according to the out-of-office auto responses I have been getting. I have also written to each and every member of the Republican House Members (including my own Rep Ralph Watts) and even had the opportunity to speak to the now newly voted in House Speaker Upmeyer as well.
Tuesday, my District's Senator, Jake Chapman will be coming to our home to meet Abram. I'm excited for him to meet him and see how hard he has to work to do things that his little ones have accomplished with ease. I must admit - before Abram - I had no idea what Epilepsy meant. In my head - I pictured grand mals and only in context with what I'd seen on television. I remember seeing a great old Graphic Design campaign against Epilepsy that used the old stigmas of Epilepsy with silhouttes of children from when I was in college but that was it. I had no idea what it meant for someone to HAVE EPILEPSY. I still don't. I'm still learning. That face down there? That's my view of what Epilepsy is what what is can do to a person. It can make me fear every single night that he might not be here in the morning. It makes me turn on the monitor a million times at night to make sure that he is still breathing. It makes me get second, third and sometimes fourth opinions because so many times we've been disappointed and let down by the people we are supposed to be able to put our trust into. I fight for CBD because I love seeing this smile. I fight for CBD because I long to hear his little voice tell me what his favorite things are or what he's thinking or if he's hurting. Epilepsy is a different battle for each of us. I've met so many other moms with kids whose issues are much more severe but those moms still reach out to share a kind word. Epilepsy steals your child from you little bits at a time. The Pharmaceuticals they want us to give our children can have toxic and long-lasting and often times permanent side effects and even death. Epilepsy steals their words. Epilepsy will rob you of your faith in doctors, in politicians and honestly - even your faith in yourself. It's hard not to be able to take away your child's suffering. It's even harder when there is a medication with a lot less side effects that even has a slight possibility of making things better but yet not enough people in Politics wants to get involved and stand up for these kids that have no voice. I will continue to fight. I am hoping that the Iowa Politicians help make things right in our home state while the Federal Government hopefully steps in and does the right thing to support H.R 1635 and S.1333. This is the face of Epilepsy in my life. He is worth fighting for. Yesterday, I posted my third and final attempt at contacting Unity Point/Blank Children's via their VP and CEO. Although, I never did get an official response from they themselves, the President and COO at Blank Children's Hospital contacted me to address my concerns. I have to be cordial in saying that he was a polite man but he advised me he was going to tell me what I didn't want to hear. I already knew that.... but I wanted to be heard. Not ignored. This is a child we are talking about. The facts are: Unity Point/Blank Children's opposes the CBD Bill here in Iowa and will not consider backing it until the FDA Approves it. I get it. It's big business and big pharma and there is nothing that I can do about it to change anyone's mind. It's just sad that parents and physicians aren't able to make choices for their children and their patients without policies blocking their way. My son has suffered enough. He has been through three years of absolute hell in dealing with the medical world from the very day he was born. It doesn't matter that they don't know how to treat his Rare Chromosome Disorder. It doesn't matter that they didn't know how to treat him when we come into the ER with collapsing spells. It doesn't matter that they put him through unneccesary IVs and starve him for hours and hours for tests that never happened due to the fact that no one wanted to call our neurologist to find out he'd just had an MRI. It doesn't matter that he's only 3 and that we have to travel out of town and out-of-state to get the help that we need. It doesn't matter that his own Neurologist who has been seeing him since he was 10 months old won't sign an card to ensure that we won't go to jail for giving him a medicine that comes from a plant. It doesn't matter that he's got a massive kidney and that a good portion of anti-convulsant medications are out due to the fact that they are metabolized in the kindeys. It doesn't matter that the only two medications that we have been advised are our last options can make him go backwards and lose the skills that he has worked so hard to gain. It doesn't matter that he's had to be in multiple therapies since before he could crawl - just so he was able to sit up. It doesn't matter that at 3 he still cannot even say Mama or that he can't feed himself because his pincer grasp is just now starting to work. It doesn't matter that the mass in his brain makes him feel pressure in his head so badly he'll slam his head into his crib for hours. It doesn't matter that the pressure from the mass in his neck that has been ignored for months has made him start hitting himself in the head and ear. None of what my son has gone through or will go through matters to them. They will not back the CBD Bill until the FDA Approves it. Which could take decades. THESE KIDS DON'T HAVE YEARS TO WAIT. But you know what? It doesn't matter that my kid doesn't matter to them. It doesn't matter that they told me No. It doesn't matter that our Neurologist doesn't have the guts to do what is right. It doesn't matter that our own Physician and our own Politicians have even advised us to do it anyway. None of that matters. He is my son. HE MATTERS. I am going to fight to get him access to a medicine that could literally change his world. THAT IS WHAT MATTERS. KIDS MATTER. LIVES MATTER. |
About MeHello! My name is Erin. I am Abram's mom, a tireless advocate for UBE2A Deficiency Syndrome and a fierce proponent for medical cannabis. MOST POPULAR BlOG ENTRYJOIN US
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