Luckily, I decided that in order to prevent myself from going absolutely insane I CANNOT concentrate on all of their differences in opinion. I can only focus on the similarities in opinion or continuing care and what will be the best option for our son. Right now the only thing we can do about Abram's cyst is to know the symptoms and signs of any worsening Neurological issues, to call 911 if said neurological issues happen and then to follow-up with another MRI in six months to check for growth. That is it. That is literally our only option. It is a hard pill to swallow but it is what it is and I can't let the weight of that bring me down. Sadly, this fight to get an answer about the lesion in his brain has veered our family off onto another path with what is now assumed to be a "genetic and chromosomal abnormality" in our son in addition to the cystic lesion of the pineal gland in his brain.
The brain lesion and all of his "global" developmental delays are completely separate issues needing to be dealt with. It was difficult realizing that something else is causing the rest of his issues when I hoped I would be able to blame his condition on the brain lesion. To hear that your child has a "genetic or chromosomal abnormality" just brings fear to your heart, a million more questions about other defects and most importantly what my child's expected life span is.
This realization is especially paintful because there is no "cure" for genetic abnormalities. The only thing the Doctors can do for our son is to offer him symptomatic treatment (which we have already been doing since he was 10 months old), preventative measures for heart defects, etc and to assist his father and I in finding a good support group where we'd be able to meet families going through a similar struggle.
I often hear, "I don't know how you do it" as I am sure most parents do. Although for me, it means a little more than a kinder way of saying "your kid wore me out". In fact everyone who has been able to spend a significant time with my son on a bad day has told me that they don't understand how I am functioning and for me it just is a relief to hear that they get it. Obviously no one wants to be the parent with the child that screams non-stop and be the receiving end of all those judgemental people and parents out there but having the confirmation that something isn't right after having to fight so hard the last 16 months is a relief. I have no choice other than to hold back the tears and fight as fiercely as I can to ensure that my son gets the medical attention that he needs and believe me, I have fought.
I do it because I am Abram's Mama and I made a committed and purposeful choice in bringing this little boy into the world. It is my job to make him feel better and NOT being able to do that has been the hardest thing I have ever been through and will continue to go through. I just want our son to be able to say that he is proud of us for doing our best and loving him as much as we could. I just want him to live and love life and be happy so hopefully we are finally on the route to more answers so we can help him accomplish all that he wants to and more.