When your child has an extremely rare diagnosis and the doctors inform you that they have nothing to share with you on what to expect or how to proceed you feel 100% utterly alone in the world. It took over three years for us to get Abram's diagnosis and when we did - I scoured the internet searching for someone to share this journey with. During that intense search for other boys like my son, I found Kelli.
Buried deep in a year's old Facebook post I found her asking a premie group: Does anyone else have a child with a diagnosis of UBE2a? I immediately wrote her a message and became fast friends with her and her husband. For two years we've cheered one another's boys on and shared the triumph and the grief that come with the unknown of a rare syndrome. When I learned that there was a Global Genes Rare Advocacy Patient Summit in their state, I swallowed my dignity and my pride and set up a fundraiser to get ourselves to California to meet them and the end results have been nothing short of a miracle for my family. From the moment Abram and I walked into their hotel room, it was clear that these people were meant to be our family, too. Abram and I were right where we were meant to be. I didn't have to explain anything or apologize for the fact that Abram wanted to open and close their closet door a million times because from the very second we stepped foot into their lives in REAL life - our boys were interested in doing the same thing. Jackson immediately said "hiiiii" and my son ran into Kelli's arms like he'd known her his whole life and gave her the biggest hug. The boys played in the bathroom and the closet and Abram crawled right up in AJ's lap. Family is all about love and with this family, we have a bond that is even thicker than blood. Our bond is tied right up in our sons' very own DNA and I know that my life has changed forever. Not only have they been supportive of us since we got our diagnosis but we share a similar path. Abram is two years older than their sweet Jackson but they have similar likes and dislikes. One of those dislikes being Hollywood Boulevard. Haha. The conference itself was not what I was expecting as many of the seminars were geared more towards the medical professionals than parents who have children with rare diagnoses but regardless, I was able to gather information from the vendors at the event that may be helpful in the future (and helpful to my friends whose children have yet to get their diagnosis). It is still just a hard pill to swallow realizing that even the biggest people in the fields of rare genomes and rare disease have never heard of your child's medical condition. But, we educated people on what it is, what its symptoms are and had the cutest boys showing them that they can do anything they set their minds to. This family gave me experiences I never thought I'd have in my lifetime from actually being in California, to seeing Hollywood and watching Abram see and hear the ocean for the first time. This trip was heart warmingly overwhelming. Seeing how this family embraces these boys and how these sweet girls took Abe in as if he were their own sibling - engaging him, playing with him, talking to him just made my heart melt. In my heart and my head all I could think about was how special and unique this family was and how much love they had to give and how lucky we were to be a part of it. At that very moment (and from here on out) we became family and I hope that as the years pass - we can visit them often. To those who helped us make this trip by helping with our fundraiser - you literally changed our lives. Thank you so much for giving us the gift of an extended family that we will forever share an unspoken bond with. Coming home was hard but having this experience and meeting another family living and following a similar path was the best thing that has happened since Abram was born. The more we share Abram's story - the more our UBE2A family grows and despite the fact that the tiny handful of other families we have met string across the globe from New York to Scotland, England to Australia and Ireland - I know that someday - we will ALL meet and share our boys for the sweet little miracles that they are. This is only the beginning of a life-long friendship and a new extended "family". In addition to meeting Jackson and his amazing family - I also had the opportunity to meet two other moms who I have spoken to for years. Moms who have helped me through many a hard day and moms who are on a similar journey with rare diagnoses, epilepsy and autism. And like meeting the DeStasios, our time together was effortless and seamless - like we'd been friends forever. Sharing our stories and our children with one another over the years has been the one thing that has gotten me through many a dark night. People who don't live this life don't understand why it's important to share Abe's journey but in the end - sharing him with the people who WANT to know more has been key in understanding him better. Connecting with other families and children with rare diagnoses is the best thing that has ever happened to me. These kids have SO MUCH to offer the world and I am so proud and honored to know all of you. You are ALL my family now. I love you guys. Much love. ~Erin~ Looking back, the first realization of bad news was the day our Neurologist called me and told me that our son had a mass in his brain. I was so scared I nearly lost my mind and felt like I had a literal fist in my gut. That isn't news that you should have to hear over the phone and our journey since that day has changed immensely along the way but that original worry is still there. At that time, we were told by a world reknown brain surgeon that the mass (cystic pineal tumor) would require one of the most dangerous types of brain surgery to remove. However, the risks vs the rewards of removing it at the time were too high and although he warned us it would cause him to have seizures, we were nervous and relieved to hear that we needed to wait for "worsening neurological symptoms" to occur before they would remove it. When we visited the Children's Hospital in our own state and we shared our concerns regarding said neurological symptoms and the three hour drive to get to their facility we were told "that's what helicopters are for". Our friends have thrown fund-raisers for us to help us save money for Abram. One lovely lady even shaved her head in his honor and to see the support we had from our friends when we needed it most was the most uplifting part of this entire journey. No matter what we are going through, we have an amazing outpour of support from our friends, our family and our community here at home and online in the special needs community as well. For the longest time, I thought that if we got that mass out of his head, he would be "fine". Alas, our journey has taken us on a different path entirely and I know now (or have come to terms with the fact) that Abram's case is so much MORE than a pineal cyst and that part of his diagnosis is truly a symptom of his actual diagnosis - the UBE2A Deficiency Syndrome. We cannot "fix" or "cure" what is going on in Abram's brain as I once hoped that we would be able to do. There is more going on in his brain with grey matter where it shouldn't be, atrophied hippocampus, suspected mesial temporal sclerosis, etc that cannot be fixed with surgery. With what is commonly referred to as an "incidental finding" with a pineal cyst has become an annual (or even more often) issue of putting our son under a sedated/intubated MRI, kissing him goodbye and hoping that the anesthesia doesn't have a bad impact on his seizures. He had a really hard time coming out of it the last time, so this time - no cannabis in the morning of the MRI to see if that makes a difference. Anyhow, after our journey to Mayo last summer, I thought that after they had found so much other stuff going on within Abram's brain tissue that the pineal cyst would be the least of our worries. Yet, when I specifically asked the Mayo Clinic why we were needing a follow-up MRI this fall - it was literally the pineal cyst that they want to check up on. Specifically to see if it needs "Neurosurgical intervention". Reading that made my stomach sink a little. I knew deep down that it needs to be watched. What they said would be a "slow grower" had doubled in size. What used to be a perfectly round cyst is now shaped like a kidney bean because it is getting squished in the anatomy of his brain as it grows. It makes me nervous. It scares me. I don't like it. But I'm so thankful to have a Hospital that acknowledges it, that wants to follow it and that cares enough to make sure that our son's brain is OKAY. There are so many others with a pineal cystic tumors who are ignored, ridiculed and made to feel that they are mentally ill. They are told that this cannot possibly impact their quality of life but those doctors are wrong. We have sought opinions from individuals across the country from NYU, to Barrows Neurological Institute to Mayo and more. These masses sit right in the center of the brain and press on parts in the deepest recesses of the organ that should never be touched. Sensitivity to light, sound, migraines, seizures, hydrocephalus, Parinaud's Syndrome and more are just a few of the things that can be affected by it. Sleep is something that has eluded Abram since he was a tiny baby - as the pineal gland regulates melatonin and sleep - it isn't much of a surprise. It's just hard that here we are four years later and he still has never slept through the night. It's hard to know it's there and on his bad days it's hard not to jump to conclusions and worry that something bad is about to happen. So, the second week in September, we journey back to MN to check in on the mass in our son's brain and to touch base with Sleep Medicine again. The thought of the MRI gives me anxiety but the thought of not watching it is even scarier. It's hard watching your child never know what it's like to have a good night's sleep. Even the prescribed psychoactive benzodiazepines that our Neuro prescribed for his seizures would allow for him to have a full night's rest. I've learned how to live my life as if I have a newborn every night. I can't imagine how that must feel for Abram - to never have had a full night's sleep.... to never go more than 2-3 hours without waking up screaming. I wish it were easier for Abram. But I will take these months of seizure-freedom and be proud and happy for him. I've learned to just roll with the punches and take things in tiny baby steps as they come. Worrying made me miss out on so much of his baby-hood. I'm not missing out on his toddler days worrying about what could be. If/when he needs to have brain surgery - we will deal with when it comes. And I know that our friends and family will have our backs 199%. Love, Erin |
About MeHello! My name is Erin. I am Abram's mom, a tireless advocate for UBE2A Deficiency Syndrome and a fierce proponent for medical cannabis. MOST POPULAR BlOG ENTRYJOIN US
|